Almost two decades after appearing on “American Idol,” in her early 20s, Carrie Underwood is reflecting on the show that launched her music career and the one she is now set to make a big return.
“I have no idea how that 21-year-old Carrie was able to muster up enough guts to walk into a room and audition in front of Simon, Paul and Randy and the world,” the country music singer says in a recent video shared to her YouTube Channel.
The country singer’s video shows the now 41-year-old watching a younger, pre-fame version of herself performing “I Can’t Make You Love Me” by Bonnie Raitt.
When Underwood auditioned for the fourth season of the reality singing competition series, she sang before Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson, who were judges at the time.
The clip shared from the fourth season of “American Idol” shows a younger Underwood introducing herself as a girl who “grew up on a farm” and didn’t get to experience “a lot of things that a lot of other people have,” including being on an airplane.
The singer’s reflection on where it all began shows Underwood beginning to perform her song, but being cut off by Cowell almost as soon as she begins.
“I was like, I did a bad job,” the singer says in the video while looking back at Cowell’s interruption. “He immediately gave me a compliment, and then said, ‘I’m surprised we haven’t found any good country singers,’ which surprised me. And then told me to keep being me. I feel like he deserves a lot of credit.”
Even after all of these years, Underwood says she still remembers the nerves she felt before being officially made part of the show.
“In my audition, I think I was just trying to hold in all my emotions, literally. Like, hold them into my body or else, I don’t know what I thought was gonna happen,” she explains while looking back. “And I had performed on stage a lot…and I knew how to work a stage. But in a situation like that, you’re not on stage. It’s just you singing without a band, without anything. There’s not an audience in front of you. You know, you have these judges and they’re gonna decide your fate.”
Underwood would go on to win “American Idol” in 2005. Since then she has released nine studio albums and won eight Grammy Awards. Now, she is returning to the competition series as a judge for its 23rd season that premieres March 9. She’ll join seasoned judges Lionel Richie and Luke Bryan.
As she steps into her role as a judge, Underwood says she has a nuanced understanding of the pressure contestants face as they audition to make their own dreams come true.
“I was a baby. I was 21 years old, and now on the other side of things as a judge, you see people walk in like that,” she explains, adding how she now tells others to “emote more. I can relate to holding in the emotions.”
She then gets emotional as she reads from her 2005 “American Idol” journal.
“I just have to keep in mind that it will all be worth it and the life I started will be great,” she reads. “Most importantly, I have to remember that this has all been my choice and it’s something I’ve wanted ever since I was a little girl.”
Continuing, “I know I have some great things ahead of me. Right now, I’m just trying to live in the moment and appreciate it all. I never dreamed that all of this would happen to me. I love it.”
Underwood begins to get teary-eyed as she says she wouldn’t know how to tell her younger self what she was about to experience.
“Seeing myself, 21 years old, the world ahead of you,” she says, her voice breaking. “Obviously, it’s overwhelming. But you’re gonna do fine kid. You’re gonna be OK. Just hold on.”
